One Month
by imaginarybird
Summary: It's a been a month since Texas and Riley is wondering if it will ever stop feeling like her world is dangling over the edge of a gaping abyss that's waiting to swallow her up. Warning: implied emotional abuse. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own GMW. My use of the characters is just for fun.

Author's notes: This is currently a one shot, but I have ideas to continue it, they just aren't coming out right into words at the moment.

If you're a fan of Charlie, this might not be the fic for you.

* * *

It's been a month since Texas.

A month since Riley had realized that her best friend was secretly harboring feelings for Lucas. A month since she had decided that she'd rather keep both Maya and Lucas as friends than lose them both to inevitable drama. A month since she had started dating Charlie.

It's a been a month since Texas and Riley is wondering if it will ever stop feeling like her world is dangling over the edge of a gaping abyss that's waiting to swallow her up.

Lucas and Maya are still circling each other in a dating-like fashion. They go to Topanga's on their own and to the movies. Maya takes him to an art exhibit and Lucas brings her to a concert when an indie artist he knows from Texas comes to town. They haven't made anything official yet, but they've kissed and they hold hands and gravitate towards each other and it's _so obvious_ that they care for each other that Riley simultaneously can't bear to watch and can't look away. (She wants so badly for them to be happy, wants to have them in her life while they're happy, even if that means that they're happy _together_ , but they find that happiness so soon after she steps back that she hasn't even found her footing and it _hurts_.)

She started dating Charlie because he was there. He was nice and he was cute, and he was there right when she needed the distraction. It felt a little wrong at first, using him so she wouldn't have to hang around all the time to watch Maya and Lucas find their stride as a sort-of couple, but Riley figured that as long as she was clear that they were only spending time together as friends it wasn't so bad. It turned into actual dates because Charlie was persistent and sweet and actually _wanted_ to define their relationship, and because it really felt like she owed him an actual chance.

On one of their outings, Charlie had pointed out that Riley was always so busy dreaming of the unattainable that she was ignoring the good things that she actually could have right in front of her. It still didn't feel quite right but she agreed that their next outing could be an actual date, and they've been together ever since.

It's been a month since Texas, and Riley and Charlie are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It's different than anything she's done before. Charlie has no qualms about holding her close in the hallways at school and he makes sure everyone knows that they're together and how happy they are. They do homework together every afternoon (at the library or his house or anywhere except the bakery) and they go on dates on the weekends and it's everything like her mom told her about starting to go out with her dad.

They spend so much time together that between that and cheerleading and Farkle (who's still keeping her secret and being the best friend she could ask for) claiming her as his partner whenever a group project comes up she only ever ends up having to watch Maya and Lucas together when they're at school. She puts on her best 'Happy Riley' face for them and encourages their budding feelings and, if they ask, promises that things are OK and it's all for the best.

Riley almost starts to believe it as the pair, Lucaya, as their classmates have dubbed them, start to find their footing and lose their awkwardness. Whenever he catches her looking at them Charlie is quick to hold onto her a little tighter and remind her that Rucas was never really going to happen. That Lucas is the kind of handsome, perfect guy that accumulates quirky friends who will look up to him because he's handsome and perfect, and that friends is all they'll ever be. That Lucas wanted her to be infatuated so she'd always be around to lead his little support circle, so he flirted a little, but that he would never actually date a girl like her (and it was for similar reasons that he would never have really asked her out or officially broken things off if she hadn't removed herself from the equation). It makes a strange sort of sense.

Lucas isn't perfect but he's amazing and growing every day to be better. Maya's gorgeous and talented and fiery and everything that Riley's _not_. Of course Maya was always the real choice. Girls like Riley don't get guys like Lucas, girls like Maya do. Riley's lucky that someone like Charlie sees something in her.

She knows she's lucky. Everybody tells her. She's lucky that Charlie was so patient. She's lucky that so clearly adores her. She's lucky that everything has worked out so nicely. Everyone has their friends _and_ someone special too. It's the perfect little story.

So Riley does her best to embrace her luck and embrace Charlie.

She tries to focus on only him. She listens when he tells her that she looks better when she wears her hair up and away from her face and stops leaving it down. She watches old Kung Fu movies to try and understand his obsession with them and learns more about hockey, his absolute favorite sport (she even keeps herself from talking about how violent it is because that seems to be part of what Charlie likes about it). Riley's lucky that someone like Charlie sees something in her and she doesn't want to do anything that would make him change his mind.

She never imagined herself as Charlie Gardner's girlfriend, but she is and now she can't imagine going back to being alone. He takes care of her, and she's really starting to figure out the way that he likes her to take care of him. Not to mention she's really gotten used to his presence. The feel of her hand in his or the weight of his arm around her shoulders. When they had gone to the Mets/Yankees game last week, Charlie, a huge Yankees fan, had balked at her Mets sweatshirt and refused to even touch her while she was wearing it. Riley, firmly of the opinion that he was being childish, refused to take it off but she only lasted half the game. It hurt that he wasn't talking to her and it hurt even worse not to have the reassurance of his touch. She didn't know that she could feel so lonely when someone was sitting right next to her, but she hated it and eventually removed the sweatshirt. When the inning was over they walked to the gift shop together, tossed the Mets sweatshirt in the trash, and bought one emblazoned with the Yankees logo; he held her so close for the rest of the game that they were practically sharing a seat.

Riley never wants to feel that lonely again and is doing everything she can to make sure she doesn't lose him now. She remembers the piercing pain of giving up Lucas for the sake of their friendship (friendship that seems to be falling apart anyways since she can only be around him and Maya and their happiness for so long before the pain that she's been working so hard to push down and ignore takes over her very being) and she knows that the only reason things feel at all bearable now are because Charlie is being so nice, helping her find realistic expectations and in general taking care of her and Riley thinks if she has to deal with the heartache of distancing herself from the people who were her whole world without him that she might actually fall over the edge of that gaping abyss.

It's been a month since Texas and Riley has just quit the cheerleading team. Yes, being in that uniform was something she had gone after for years, but it's been taking up so much of her time (more time than it takes up for any of the other girls on the squad since she has to put three times as much work in to look even passable next to them) and she doesn't have the energy for all of that. It's just another area where she's the joke that everyone gets to laugh at and make fun of, and she's trying to be better than that now. She doesn't want to be that girl anymore. She knows that if she stays that girl, it won't be long before Charlie gives up on her and Riley knows if that happens all she'll be able to do is count down the days until Farkle and the others get tired of her too.

She'd much rather give up another one of her unrealistic dreams than for any of that to happen so she quits the team right after classes end and goes home to wait for Charlie to finish his meeting with the school paper. She's more than a little surprised that Josh is sitting on the couch when she gets there.

He's alone (Auggie spends most afternoon's at either Ava or Doy's until her mom or her dad get out of work so normally she's the first home if she doesn't do anything after school) and flipping channels on the couch when she opens the door.

"Josh, what are you doing here?"

Josh grins and gets to his feet, tossing the remote to the couch. "Is that how you greet your favorite uncle?"

"I just didn't think we were expecting you." Josh pulls her into a hug after she drops her bag on the floor and Riley revels in how reassuring the embrace is.

"You weren't. Cory and Topanga were though."

"They didn't say anything." Riley barely turns her head. She's mostly speaking into her Uncle's chest because his arms are gentle around her and all-encompassing. It's more like a hug from her dad than anything and it feels better than anything she can remember from the past month.

"I asked them not to." Josh disengages from the hug and down at her. "I wanted to surprise you."

"You wanted to...I don't get it."

The smile fades off his face. "You haven't been yourself during our Skype sessions lately. When I asked Cory he said some things were changing around here but you're handling it fine, but it doesn't seem that way to me, so when I found out I had a half day of school today I decided to come spend the weekend here, see if maybe you wanted to talk."

It doesn't make any sense to Riley. She _is_ fine. As fine as anyone could be in her situation (better than some in fact, because at least she's found someone willing to put up with her weirdness and to help her be better) and she knows, because she's been so careful, that she hasn't given anyone any reason to think otherwise since her initial mini-meltdown after they got back from Texas. She's changed a little, sure, but everyone changes at her age (hello, Farkle?) and even if Josh has noticed something, it's not like any of the changes she's making are bad. She's just trying to better. There's no reason for her uncle to be worrying about her. Her own parents aren't worried about her so why should he or anyone else be?

"Riley?" Josh prompts.

Riley jumps when his voice cuts through the quiet. Her cheeks heat up when she realizes that it's been nearly a minute and she hasn't said anything yet. "Sorry." She shakes her head and goes for the 'Happy Riley' smile. "I don't know why you're worried though. I'm fine."

He accepts that she's fine without question (another surprise for the afternoon since even she wouldn't find it very convincing after that reaction) and they sit on the couch. Riley relaxes when he slings an arm over the back and she can rest her head on his shoulder. Like the hug, there's such a familiar warmth and safety from the contact that she just hasn't had lately. She knows it's not fair to compare the way Josh holds her to the way Charlie does because hugs from family and hugs from boyfriends are obviously going to be different but she can't help it; Josh is relaxed and easy about it while whenever she's in Charlie's arms he almost has a grip on her.

It's been a month since Texas and the first inkling that the world she's been building for herself since isn't so great is creeping up in the back of Riley's mind.

She sits with her uncle on the couch, just enjoying the moment while a sports report plays quietly in the background and they talk without much purpose. They talk about the prospects of their favorite teams and Riley surprises him with her new knowledge of hockey, and then they drift over to how the end of his senior year is going and Josh's excitement over moving to the city next year. It's all easy and she doesn't even have to think about what she's going to say next or if it's going to bother someone and it's great. They just catch up and enjoy themselves, staying away from anything too serious, until Riley's phone chimes with a text.

It's from Charlie, a selfie from his paper meeting where looks totally bored that he's captioned _wish I was with you. debates over layout=no fun._

She makes Josh join her in her reply photo. They do goofy faces with their tongues sticking out and she jots a quick note telling him to hurry up. After it's sent off Josh starts probing a bit more about the new guy in her life. Riley barely gets the chance to tell him that Charlie asked her out once before the semi-formal, and then again right back after the group got back from Texas before her phone rings.

A glance at the display shows her Charlie's smiling face. She bolts upright as her lungs seem to freeze for a moment. There's no way his meeting has ended so quickly after their text exchange and if he's calling anyways, she knows something must be wrong, so she stands abruptly as she answers and starts walking to her room so she can deal with the problem in private.

"Hey Charlie, what happened to your meeting?"

"I leave you alone for one afternoon and you decide to hang out with some guy behind my back?" Charlie's practically shouting and he speaks so quickly that Riley doesn't even get the chance to correct him. "That's how little you think of me? Of our relationship? That you can hang out with some other guy and sit that close and not even try and hide it? I thought I meant something to you Riley. I thought I was important to you."

She doesn't even realize right away that the rant is over. She knows in her heart that she hasn't done anything wrong, that he doesn't know what her Uncle looks like so of course he's worried but it's just a misunderstanding and he'll apologize when she explains it, but in the moment all she can feel is a rapidly swirling ball of shame in her stomach. She's disappointed Charlie and hurt him. Charlie who's been so good and only wants what's best for her. Charlie, who she's lucky to have.

For a moment, Riley succumbs to the panic that this is the part where Charlie realizes that he can do better and dumps her. The world tunnels around her and his words echo on repeat and tears spring to her eyes.

Just as quickly, he's barking her name and she's back in the present. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself? Don't you?"

"It's just Josh." She hiccups, falling back to lean against her bedroom door. "My Uncle Josh from Philadelphia. He's just visiting for the weekend."

A long beat passes before Charlie speaks again. Riley tries to rein in her breathing. "You didn't say he was coming up."

"I didn't know. He wanted to surprise me and Auggie."

"I wouldn't have gotten so upset if I had known. I mean, jeez Riley. He's practically our age. What else am I supposed to think when you're practically on top of some guy alone in your apartment?"

"I-I didn't-,"

"And I only shouted because I care about you, babe. You know that no one cares about you the way I do."

Riley stumbles over an apology for him, and accepts that he's not in the mood for their Netflix date tonight while wiping the tears from her eyes. He hangs up after telling her that he'll call tomorrow if he's calmed down and she has to take another minute to calm down before returning to Josh in the living room. There's a part of her mind telling her that she was stupid not to tell Charlie when she found Josh in the apartment. There's a part of her mind telling her that she's being stupid now apologizing when all it was is a simple misunderstanding. The first part shouts back that Charlie was right and she can't afford to lose him so she needs to just do everything she can to keep him happy and it's all Riley can do to get both parts to shut up so she can breathe again.

Of course, despite her best efforts, Josh notices right away that she's upset.

"What happened? That was Charlie, right? Was he a jerk? Did he break up with you over the phone? 'Cause that's a jerk move and as your uncle it's my job to track him down and let him know that."

Riley has to explain that it's not anything like that. Just a mistake because she hadn't explained things well and Charlie didn't take the picture right. If anything Josh gets more frown-y at that. He asks to hear everything about Charlie. She tries to wave him off and insist that Charlie's great, it was just a fight, but Josh doesn't buy it; he's persistent and after he asks her a few times Riley crumbles.

It's nothing like when Farkle goaded her into talking outside the bakery. That was quiet, and delicate and even as her heart was shattering, Riley was numb. This is a messy tidal wave of stories and confessions that she can't stop. She's kept it all inside for so long that she's not even sure that she wants to.

It's been a month since Texas and all of a sudden it's all Riley can do to keep from drowning.

The story starts when the yearbook came out. It goes through the dance and saving art class and her bully and Texas. From thinking things were going well between her and Lucas to realizing that no one else saw them like that anymore, and then noticing how much of a connection he shared with Maya and realizing that they were only growing closer. She talks about how much it hurt to step back, how much it still hurts, even though she knows she did the right thing and how it's all for the best because Lucas was never going to pick her anyway.

She talks about Charlie and how she's lucky he was even willing to give her a second chance after she pretty much blew him off at the semi-formal. About how good he is to her, willing to spend so much time with her and willing to help her be better and prettier and the kind of girl that really deserves his time.

And then Riley talks about how horrible a person she is. Because she's neglecting her best friends since she can't stand being around their happiness. Because she keeps making changes but she knows she's not making enough. Because even though Charlie's been so good to her, she's not even sure she feels anything for him and there are times when she doesn't like him very much at all or gets scared. She knows it's not fair to him; he's done nothing but care for her and in a way that no one else is going to at that, but something inside of her reacts anyways and she doesn't know how to stop it.

Riley collapses into her Uncle's arms, sobbing and desperate for answers. Why does doing the right thing have to hurt? Why can't she care about Charlie the way he deserves? Why isn't she good enough?

It's been a month since Texas and Riley Matthews has reached her breaking point.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes:Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited and subscribed. It means the world to me that you guys enjoyed my writing enough to do that and I really appreciate that you took the time to do it after you read.

I think unless things really get away from me there will be one more installment after this one that will wholly resolve things.

Just a note of warning, there's nothing graphically described, but this chapter does continue the themes of emotional abuse, and to a point physical abuse as well.

* * *

"Is that what you really think?" Josh asks his question as his niece's sobs taper off. He's spent the past few minutes, holding her close to his chest and stroking her hair, just trying to calm her while he processes everything that she's just revealed. "That you're not good enough?"

That's the real sticking point amongst all of the heart-wrenching things Riley revealed. It's clear that her self-esteem, which has never been the strongest to begin with, has tanked with the events of the past few months. The bully (which no-one had told him about and you can be sure that there _will_ be words about that at some point because he can't do his job as an Uncle if he doesn't have all the information), the love triangle situation, this new boyfriend…

Josh likes to think he got all of the best parts of his brothers and sister. Morgan's smarts (and just a hint of her sass). Cory's problem solving. Eric's caring. He might complain that being the youngest means he never gets away with anything with his parents because they have definitely seen all the schemes before, but it also means he had the chance to learn from three really great siblings. He's heard all the stories about their biggest problems and mistakes and how they dealt with them, and it's through those stories that he's grown into who he is today. Someone who always does his best to deal with the troubles of his friends and family but is smart enough to know when he's in over his head and needs to ask for help.

Like now.

Granted, he hasn't met Charlie. Hasn't actually seen him interact with Riley. The only information he has comes from Riley. But he's sure that what she described is not a healthy relationship. Josh just doesn't know what to do with that information. He can only hope that with a little bit of conversation, Riley will agree to talk about all of this with her parents.

"I don't know." Riley wipes at the tears streaking her face. "Everything's totally messed up and most of it's my fault...If I had just been smarter or more realistic or _something_ then maybe-"

"OK, stop right there for a second." Josh cuts her off. He can't listen to Riley tear herself down again, and needs to try and correct her; it seems as though in the past few months that no one else has. "First of all, you are plenty smart. You're about ten times smarter than I was at your age, so that says something right there. Second of all, what you wanted was totally realistic."

"No, it wasn't. I'm not pretty or special like-,"

"Like who? Maya? Riley, just because you're not just like her doesn't mean you're not every bit as good to her. Different people like different things. No one is any less or any more because of who wants to date them."

Josh is also fairly sure that in all of her ranting and confessions, not once did Riley say anything that Lucas had told her; it all seemed to come from Charlie or be something that she's come up with on her own. He doesn't say this, since it's counter to the message he's trying to get across and it seems like Riley's confused enough without his help.

"You _are_ good enough, Riley. For whatever you want to do, or whoever you want to like. They may not always like you back, because that's one of the suckier parts of the way the world works, but it's never going to be because you're not good enough. And if they tell you that it is, believe me, the only person that's not good enough is them."

Riley doesn't answer. Unsurprising, all things considered. It's not like a few words from him were going to totally undo the months of insecurity that had been building up inside of her. It's yet another reason he wants to talk about all of this with his brother and Topanga; Josh, of course, will do what he can, but he's only going to be there for three days. Someone will have to keep things up later, and at the moment he can't say that he trusts her friends to do that (although he's halfway forming a plan to deal with them too).

The entire thing is a mess.

He broaches the topic as delicately as he can. "I think we should maybe talk about this with your parents."

"They already know most of it." Riley says. He knows it's a lie. She's not looking at him when she says it, just at her hands sitting in her lap.

"They don't know that you've been feeling like this." He counters, pulling her hand into his. He's also willing to bet money that they think her relationship with Charlie is normal and harmless, though that's not a subject he wants to tackle without doing more research (or having a little more backup present). "And they should. This is the kind of thing parents need to know about. They can help."

A long silence passes while he lets Riley think. "I wouldn't even know what to tell them."

"Pretty much what you told me. And I'll be right there with you."

She leans back against his chest again. They talk on the subject for a few more minutes, mostly with him trying to reassure Riley that Cory and Topanga won't be upset with her, and will only want to make sure that she's OK.

The conversation runs out not long after that. There's still a lot to say, just no easy way to say any of it. Riley saves them the awkwardness, insisting that she needs to take a shower before her parents get home if she's going to feel remotely human and presentable.

Josh doesn't argue with her.

When she's out of the room he texts Cory to tell him that Riley has some things to talk about with them and that they'll need a family meeting. After a moment's thought he sends the message to Topanga too, and tacks on to both that there's no emergency, in the hopes that they won't worry too much in the interim.

After that, he gets online and starts searching all the things that Riley mentioned about Charlie that raised red flags for him. The results he gets are about what he expected, but they're not encouraging. Josh doesn't know how he can bring them up to Riley, if she'd even be willing to consider any of it. He doesn't want to fight with her, and he doesn't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable by springing it on her when her parents are there and she's not expecting it at all, so he settles on sending the page he likes best to her phone. They can talk about it when she gets out of the shower.

Josh thinks about the chaos with Riley's friends too, but he's even less sure what to do with that. So much of the mess there is tied into decisions and feelings that he doesn't understand—that he can't understand. He can sort of get where Riley was coming from, choosing to step back for her friend rather than fight over a guy, and he understands it better when he hears that she was recipient of the Jack/Eric/Rachel story; Riley's decision to try and preserve the friendship of the whole group makes sense for her, even though it's obvious that she didn't really understand how the emotions of that would work and it's made things messier than she probably thought.

What he can't wrap his head around at all is how the situation came to be in the first place. Whenever he had seen the group together, the relationships seemed about as firmly established as they could get in middle school. Riley and Lucas were in serious heart-eyes mode with each other, Riley and Maya were practically sisters, and Maya got along with Lucas-but that was about it. So when did Maya start liking Lucas? And when did she stop liking _him_?

It's not that Josh expected her to like him and only him for years while she played her 'long game'. Feelings happen whether you want them to or not and Maya's not immune to that. But he can't believe that her feelings made such a sharp u-turn to bring her to Lucas.

What bothers him more than Maya apparently having these feelings for the guy his niece was unofficially dating, or even that the two are now dating (Riley did encourage them to feel their feelings and tell a few lies to get them to do it) is that nobody has noticed that Riley _isn't_ as OK as she's been saying. These are supposed to be her best friends, her family, and not one of them has done anything to prove it lately. He knows Riley. She's not that good of an actress or liar; he can be almost entirely certain that there have been clues if people are paying attention that should have motivated them to do something.

They should have talked to her. They should have checked in with her once and a while about how she was feeling after her bully stopped bothering her. They should have noticed enough to be worried, and if Riley wouldn't talk to them or tell them the truth after that, they should have gone to Cory and Topanga.

A breakdown like the one Riley just had in his arms, takes time to build up. It doesn't just come out of nowhere, and the fact that Riley accumulated that much stress and hurt kills him.

Josh has half a mind to track them all down and tell them how angry he is.

Except it won't fix anything, and Riley needs him here. He settles for sitting on the couch, stewing, and thinking about what he can do that _will_ help.

"Josh, what's this?"

Riley comes back into the living room, phone in hand and interrupts this process. She's changed into pajama pants and a sweatshirt big enough that it probably belongs to his brother; her wet hair is pulled into a loose braid and it's still incredibly obvious that she's been crying, but at the moment she's more a strange mix of confused and angry than upset.

"What's what?"

She reads off the screen, "30 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships," then looks back at him. "Why would you send me this? Is this what you think of me and Charlie?"

He hesitates. He wants to give her an answer that's not a lie, but that won't influence her or make her shut down the conversation. If he's right, Riley needs to come to the decision on her own, and for her to do that, she needs to be open to it in the first place.

He finally settles on, "I don't know Charlie. I only know what you've told me. So what I think's not as important as what you think."

Her eyes flash. "Well I don't think _that_."

"OK." Josh nods. He doesn't want to fight. A beat passes. "Did you read the page?"

Riley sits. She sits and she reads, and the further down the page she gets the more her frown changes. Josh watches the anger and indignation get traded out for confusion and then she starts biting her lip. When the door to the apartment opens and Auggie comes rushing in, tackling Josh into a hug, with Cory and Topanga close behind, Riley is still reading. She quickly tucks her phone into the pocket of her sweatshirt, and plasters a smile across her face.

The family goes through the motions while Auggie chatters excitedly about school and Ava, but there's a tension obvious to everyone who's not in elementary school. Smiles are tight, and glances keep getting sent around the room when people think the others aren't looking, and eventually Topanga ushers Auggie to his room to get ready for his sleepover (apparently somebody named _Doy_ and his parents will be picking him up soon). Only Josh's promise that he's going to be in the city for the whole weekend gets the boy to leave with his mother.

They have a very awkward conversation about plans for graduation and what Josh is looking forward to about NYU's summer program that carries over until Doy (seriously, what is that name?) and his parents pick up Auggie.

"So Riley," Topanga starts when they're alone, as always the picture of calm and grace, "Josh told us that there are some things you need to-,"

"I think I need to break up with Charlie."

* * *

By the middle of the next morning, Josh finds himself sitting inside Topanga's bakery, while Riley and Charlie meet up at one of the tables outdoors. He spent most of the night sitting up with Riley in the bay window, talking to her about how to break up with someone and reassuring her that she's doing the right thing and watching movies when they were finished with that but she was still too nervous to sleep.

The conversation with Cory and Topanga on the previous day went as well as he could have expected (and he's fairly certain much better than Riley had). She went through her story again and did her best to deal with her parents' questions. Josh learned a few new details the second time through, like the fact that Cory and Topanga had no idea that she had been targeted by a bully.

Oh, they had known that something had been upsetting her a couple of months ago, but they trusted Maya and the group to take care of it and come to them if it was something serious. Apparently no one had considered it to be serious enough. Josh files that away as another reason he's angry with them. Just because they were able to get the bully to stop on their own doesn't mean that they still shouldn't have let Cory and Topanga know what had happened; the insults and hurtful words weren't going to just disappear from Riley's memory when they stopped being sent to her and her parents should have at least known so they could check in with her.

Cory and Topanga offered as much support as they could. They didn't lecture, though they reminded Riley that they're always an option for her to come to for advice or just to vent to, and they agreed that while, like Josh, they couldn't definitively make any judgments about Charlie, they thought the relationship didn't sound like it had a good balance and that Riley should go with her gut, break up with him and take some time to really take care of herself again.

On their advice Riley decides to do it in public, and while she didn't want anyone right there, she did ask Josh to be nearby so they could go home right when it was done.

So he's inside, sitting at the counter where he can sort of see outside but be subtle about it, and fooling around on his phone while she deals with that. Katy Hart is running the little cafe, and Riley's friend, Farkle, who apparently has a girlfriend now named _Smackle_ (he really needs to find out what's going on with the water in New York that these are the names people get) is sharing a smoothie with her at a corner table and debating the merits of some recently released study. He resists the urge to say anything to Farkle outside of the cursory polite small talk when they see each other. From what Riley had said he was the only one who had been remotely involved in trying to make sure that she was OK after they had gone to Texas, and he doesn't want to air any of Riley's secrets and feelings in public anyways.

Josh checks on what's happening outside every couple of minutes and for the longest time it seems like a normal, if drawn out break up. He can only really see Riley, since she's the one facing the window, but it all looks normal. She's a little nervous as they talk, and then sad, and Charlie's holding her hand across the table. Then Josh gets distracted.

"You're Riley's uncle, right?" Katy Hart asks as she makes her way back behind the counter and starts wiping it down. "The one that Maya has a crush on?"

It's distracting for two reasons. It's always weird dealing with the parents of the girl that you have something going on with (even if the something is almost entirely theoretical) and Katy's not talking about it in the past tense.

"I, uh...I wouldn't...that is I-,"

She laughs. "Relax kid. I know you've been really good about it. Cory has nothing but good things to say about you."

"Oh." Josh runs a hand through his hair as an excuse to take a breath. "That's good I guess."

"It is. I know I really appreciate how you've dealt with what I know must be an awkward situation."

"To be honest, it seemed a lot easier then than it does now."

"You mean the Lucas thing?" Katy abandons her pretense of cleaning the counters, and leans forward on her elbows. "Yeah, that one kind of came out of nowhere. I've tried getting the story from her but Maya's not big on the whole girl talk with her moth-,"

A loud crash outside cuts Katy off and they both turn. Josh can't see Riley anymore, or the table. He runs out, Katy behind him, and as he pushes through the door he sees scene that paints a fairly clear picture about what he missed.

Riley is on the ground next to the upended table, crying and cradling her wrist. Her lip is red and starting to swell with the corner split and bloody. Charlie is bent over her, apologizing and trying to reach out, but she's scrambling backwards. Josh can't stop himself.

He grabs the neck of Charlie's jacket and yanks him backwards, turning and slamming the younger boy against the wall of Topanga's, pinning him with one arm across his chest. "You want to give me one reason not to to just lay into you?"

"I—It was an accident. I didn't do anything!" Charlie's eyes dart between him and the scene with Riley behind him.

Josh pushes his arm against Charlie a little harder. "Try again."

"Josh, Riley needs you right now." Katy interrupts from behind.

Josh glances back. The older woman is crouched next to Riley alongside Farkle, helping her sit up. Riley's still crying. She's not really letting either of them touch her and her eyes are wide with shock and fear. He glares at Charlie, shoves him once more, and releases him so he can go back to his niece. He trades spots with Katy, who Charlie is quick to thank.

"Thanks, Ms. Hart. It really was an accident. We were just messing around pulling at each other and it got a little out of control. I'll pay for the broken table and we can just forget it ever-,"

"Don't think I'm that stupid, young man." Katy cuts him off in what can only be described as an angry mother tone. Her arms are crossed over her chest as she stalks closer to Charlie, and the glare in her eyes is sharp. It's as harsh as anything that Josh has ever seen from his mother, and for the briefest of moments he wonders why Maya even dares to break as many rules as she does if she risks this sort of reaction. "I know why Riley asked you to meet her here this morning, so you think long and hard before you say anything that even resembles an excuse like that again. Whether or not you pay for the table is up to the owner, not me, and I'm sure she'll be a lot more concerned with the other damage that was done here today."

"I was just-,"

"Go home, Charlie." She orders. "And leave Riley alone unless she asks to talk to you."

Charlie tries a few more half-hearted protests that Katy rebuffs before he leaves, angrily kicking at one of the fallen cups as he does.

"He didn't hit me." Riley says once he's gone, hiccuping a little around her tears. Farkle's the one that gives her a pointed look. "He didn't, I promise. He was holding my wrist, tight, and it hurt so I was trying to pull away but he wouldn't let go. We were pulling back and forth and he suddenly let go and my hand flew into my face and I fell into the table and—ow ow ow!" She cuts herself off, when Josh tries to look at her wrist.

He can see the marks from where Charlie had been holding her and, like her lip, it's already swelling. Josh already regrets listening to Katy and letting Charlie go.

"I'll get you some ice." Farkle volunteers. He runs back into the bakery.

"And a couple towels!" Katy calls after him. She looks at the rest of the gathered crowd and waves a hand, urging them back inside. "OK, guys. Head back in. There's nothing to see here." As the teens leave, some of them rather reluctantly, she crouches down and lays a gentle hand on Riley's shoulder. "How're you doing, sweetie?" She's in full mom-mode now, on the opposite end of the spectrum.

Riley leans against Josh's chest. Her crying has slowed and all the energy seems to just rush out of her. "I don't know..."

"That's OK. These sorts of things are really confusing. It's OK not to know." Katy assures. "I'm going to call your mom and tell her what happened, all right?" She waits for Riley to nod before continuing. "When Farkle gets back with that ice, I think you should let your Uncle take you to the doctor. I'm not an expert, but your wrist looks like it hurts a lot, and it's better to get it checked out and have it be nothing than to ignore it and have it get worse." She waits again for Riley's acknowledgment. "There's an urgent care a couple of blocks down the street. I'll make sure Topanga knows to meet you guys there."

Josh manages a half-smile for the caring woman. "Thanks."


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: Again, thank you so much to everyone who is reading, reviewing, subscribing and all of that. The positive response to this has been so overwhelming and I really can't express how much I appreciate it.

There's an excerpt from a poem in this chapter. That poem is "The Cremation of Sam McGee" by Robert Service. I don't own it, but I do really like it and I recommend reading it.

Remember that time I said that unless it got away from me this would be the last chapter? Well it got away from me. So there's at least one more installment after this.

* * *

She's supposed to be taking a nap. It's just after two in the afternoon and Riley feels like she's been awake and dealing with things for days. She _wants_ to be taking a nap.

Only there's too much to think about it.

Her wrist, encased in a velcro soft cast and resting on a pillow throbs painfully in spite of the pain medication that the doctor had given her. It's a severe sprain, although she'll have to get more x-rays next week because sometimes they can't see the break right away. It certainly hurts enough to feel broken, but Riley doesn't have many painful experiences to compare it to; she's always been lucky in that area.

Her parents had gotten to the Urgent Care not long after she and Josh had checked in and before she had even seen anyone (walking from the bakery had been a slow affair, to the point where Josh had eventually picked her up and carried her there) so they were there for the whole process and are now completely taking charge of her care. They've got an icing regiment going like clockwork, and her mom has a timer set on her phone to let them know exactly when she can take another pain pill. It's one less thing Riley has to think about, and it's nice since she probably wouldn't remember any of it without them.

To be honest, most of the time in the Urgent Care is a blurred haze of pain and confusion.

She couldn't stop thinking about the scene at Topanga's. She still can't. She hadn't been lying when she told everyone that Charlie hadn't actually hit her, but he _had_ hurt her. One moment she was breaking up with him, explaining that she needed to focus on herself and that it wasn't fair to keep dating him when she wasn't sure how she felt, and the next moment Charlie had his hand around her wrist, and he was telling her that she was being stupid. She got flustered as her nerves skyrocketed, and his grip kept getting tighter while he berated her until finally all she could do was try to pull away and agree that the whole thing was a mistake. Then he let go so fast. She fell into the table and hit herself in the mouth and was on the ground before she could even realize what was happening. Even now it almost doesn't feel like any of it really happened.

Riley had only decided to break up with Charlie because everything was so messed up and confusing and she knew she wouldn't be able to figure it out if she was spending all of her time trying to keep him happy. Not because she agreed with Josh that he was _abusive_. Half of the stuff on the list her uncle had sent her were things that Charlie hadn't done and that she couldn't imagine him doing. Sure, _some_ of the things were familiar, but Charlie had been trying to help her, not hurt her.

Except it all seems to shift to the opposite end of the spectrum when he's not letting her leave and she's cradling an injured wrist to her chest. Now Riley has no idea what to think about any of it and every moment of their relationship is replaying in her head. She can't tell what was good and what was bad and she keeps wondering if she's remembering things right or if her mind is embellishing and playing tricks on her now that the idea is in her mind.

She just wants to sleep long enough that she can think clearly again.

Riley tries her best to close out the rest of the world. She's back in her pajamas, on the couch and curled up with her dad under a blanket. He has one arm around her and is reading poetry aloud like they used to do when she was little and got sick. She keeps her eyes closed and tells herself that if she just listens to her dad and doesn't move, she'll fall asleep.

"There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold."

Her mind keeps drifting. If it's not Charlie and their relationship, it's her mom and the conversation she's having on the phone with Charlie's parents in the other room. Her dad and Josh had been all for reporting the incident to the police, but Riley couldn't stand the thought of doing that. She's not even sure what had really happened, how are people who don't even know them supposed to sort it out? And it would mean talking about all of it over and over and she just wants it to go away. Her mom had come up with a compromise that, depending on what Charlie's parents agreed to, they wouldn't press charges. She's making the negotiations now, and Riley needs to know what's happening.

"The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold."

It's the thought that Farkle knows what happened at the bakery. He knows what happened there and in Texas and that's too many secrets that he's got a hold of. He's been good about keeping Texas between them, but she doubts he'll do the same with this. Not when there's already evidence that everyone can see.

No, she knows he'll talk soon if he hasn't already started, and it won't be long before Maya and Lucas and Zay and everyone else know what a pathetic disaster she is. That she was stupid enough to get herself into a mess like this and that she's so weak that she can't even handle a breakup to get out of it on her own. And if Farkle tells them all of that, what's to stop him from telling them about Texas and making things even worse?

"The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see,"

It's her dad and the fact that he's holding her and coddling her again like she's Auggie's age because he feels guilty for not noticing something was wrong in the first place and she _likes_ it. Not just the comfort and security that comes with being in his arms. No. Riley likes the fact that he feels guilty. She feels sick and twisted even thinking it because _she's_ the one who was pretending everything was perfect, _she's_ the one who was hiding everything and trying to make sure that nobody asked any questions, but a part of her thinks that he should feel guilty. Him and her mom.

They're her parents. They're supposed to be the ones who know her better than anyone in the world; if anyone should have known that something was wrong in spite of what they were being told it's them. And maybe if they had noticed, today wouldn't have happened and things wouldn't be so confusing now.

She knows the blame belongs on her shoulders, and she feels worse laying any of it at the feet of her parents but she can't stop.

"Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee."

"I can't believe _that_ was the one to put her out." Josh comments softly from his spot at the kitchen table.

Riley realizes quickly as her dad closes the book he was reading from and gently stretches to drop it on the coffee table that they think she's fallen asleep. She resolves to let them think that. Everyone's been so careful with what they've said to and around her since last night. Maybe if they think that she can't hear them, they'll say what they really think and _something_ will start making sense again.

"I've been reading to her for a long time." Her dad matches Josh's hushed tone. "It was the first poem I ever really enjoyed in school that wasn't about baseball."

"It just seems darker than the sort of thing Riley would like."

"Even Riley likes the dark once in a while."

Her mom comes in before Josh gets the chance to reply. "OK, so-," she's not quiet, but she immediately hushes and apologizes so Riley knows either Josh or her dad pointed her out. "The Gardners agreed to everything. They're going to call the school first thing Monday morning and make arrangements so Charlie won't be in any of Riley's classes next year, even homeroom or lunch."

Riley's OK with that. The idea of facing Charlie right now is enough to make her stomach churn more than it already has been and if her parents want to help her avoid that, that's great.

"What about the rest of this year?" Josh asks.

"We agreed that since there are only two weeks of classes left it would be too disruptive and unfair to everyone if we tried to make any changes there. But Charlie's not supposed to try and talk to Riley or approach her, and we'll rethink things if she's uncomfortable."

"I can get her a pass to the library for those classes, and there's always the nurse or the guidance counselor too." Cory agrees.

She's less OK now. Riley can just see the sideshow this will turn into when she shows up at school on Monday, wrist in a cast, bruises on her face and all of these special exceptions being made for her. The gossip meal will probably churn fiercely with talk of poor little Riley Matthews, so weird and unfortunate that every relationship she has goes bad.

Not to mention she has three classes with Charlie on most days. There will be no avoiding him.

"Right. They'll stop by the shop to pay for the broken table, and they offered to cover any medical expenses that our insurance doesn't cover." Her mother continues. "And Charlie's going to start going to therapy. All in all, I think it's a very fair solution."

"I still say we should let the cops deal with it." Josh grumbles.

"Part of me agrees with you." Her mom admits. "But he's only 14 and Riley insists that he was never physical with her before today. Doing things this way gives him a chance to get help and change before this sort of behavior really becomes a part of who he is." She sinks into the couch near Riley's feet.

Her family talks for a few more minutes about whether they're better for handling things privately like this or if they should be getting the police involved and their reasoning makes Riley so dizzy that she's not even sure who she's supposed to agree with anymore. It feels like ever since the yearbook came out everything has been a jumbled mess of colors that keep blending together and getting uglier and uglier and harder to pick apart she just wants things to be black and white again. This is what's happening, this is how you feel, this is how I feel, this is how we can move forward and everything will be good again.

Then Josh asks someone, "What are you doing here?" in the coolest tone Riley's heard him use outside of when he was threatening Charlie, and it takes everything she has not to sit up, or even crack an eye to see who he's talking to. She doesn't think anyone's come in through the front door.

"I came to see if Riley was OK." It's Maya. She must have come in through the bay window. "Farkle said that Charlie lost it or something at the bakery this morning."

"That was hours ago." Josh points out.

Riley can't figure out why he sounds mad. He's never been mad with Maya before, and it's not like she's done anything lately to deserve it. If anything, it feels like he should be happy; if Maya's with Lucas, she's not going to be chasing after him.

"We were in the middle of something and didn't answer him right away."

"We?"

"Me and Ranger Rick."

Riley can't hold back all of her reaction. She curls deeper into her dad's side, pulling her legs in tighter. Of course Maya and Lucas were together this morning. That's what they do now. They're happy every time she sees them. She's so busy telling herself that it's OK, this is the way things are supposed to be, that they're her friends and a good friend doesn't get upset when something makes her friends happy, that Riley barely hears Maya repeating her question to ask if she was OK.

It's impossible to miss Josh's heated response, not with the way he raises his voice. "Of course she's not OK! She tried to break up with him and he threw her to the ground."

In stark terms like that, it sounds really bad. Riley curls in on herself again. Her parents must take it as a sign that the noise is waking her up because they urge them to go and talk in Riley's room unless they can do it quietly. Then for a moment all she can hear is her parents' hushed tones debating if that's a good idea or not (her dad thinks it's a conversation that they need to have and says it's better if Josh does it then if he does, and her mom agrees that her dad start 'projecting' if he did, but thinks doing it now when everyone's upset is a bad idea).

Riley doesn't have time to think about what they're even discussing. It's not very long before Maya's voice carries down the hall. They haven't shut her bedroom door.

"Why are you mad at me?!"

"Because you've been so wrapped up in whatever it is you're doing with Lucas that you're blind to everything else!"

"No. You don't get to be mad at me for dating when you're the one who-,"

"Is that what you think? That I'm jealous? Maya, you're allowed to date whoever you want. I think it's a good idea. But you don't get act like everyone else's feelings don't exist anymore."

"I didn't-,"

"Riley has been miserable for weeks!" Josh explodes. Riley cringes to hear it again. She had wanted to hear someone be honest, but not like this. "She's been miserable and Charlie has been treating her like crap and the only time you notice _anything_ is when Farkle tells you that something happened."

Maya stumbles over her reply several times. "She wasn't-I didn't-there wasn't any-Riley didn't say anything."

"Should she have to?" Josh gets quieter. The only reason Riley can still hear him is because her mom and dad are clearly invested in hearing too, and they're holding themselves in a rapt silence. "All we ever hear from you two is that you're closer than sisters. So why should she have to flat out tell you that something's wrong for you to pay attention? I know, you've noticed when she was hiding things before. Why is this time so different?"

Riley knows the answer. Because this time Maya has someone else. And why would she want to turn away from her happiness to deal with her awkward, tag-along friend and her insignificant, self-made problems? Riley knows. Charlie told her that enough times when she commented that she missed spending time with her friend.

Riley also doesn't want to hear it come out of Maya's mouth. It's bad enough to know it, but if she hears Maya say it she's not sure that what's left of her heart can take it. She'd much rather just know it but go on pretending that things are the same, just a bit busier.

She opens her eyes and groans a little, a poor imitation of waking up in the hopes that her parents will talk and cover up Maya's answer.

"Riley, sweetie, you should still be sleeping." Her mom leans over, gently brushing hair away from her face. "Is your arm bothering you?"

Her dad murmurs from behind her. "That or the shouting."

She nods. She can't admit to eavesdropping now.

Her mom checks her phone. "Well, you still have a little bit before you can have another pill. But it's been a while since we did an ice pack. I'll get you a fresh one." She continues to talk as she walks out to the fridge. "Maya got here a few minutes ago to check on you. She's with Josh in your room having a...discussion. Do you want me let her know you're awake?"

No. No, no, no. Riley can't get involved in that. She hadn't been sure how she was going to deal with Maya and everyone when it was just going to be a matter of explaining Charlie; now Josh has outed her and things are infinitely more complicated. She doesn't know if Maya's going to ignore all of that or ask questions, and she doesn't know what she'll say either way. It's been easy to get around the discussion with her parents so far (they're trying so hard to be sensitive that they aren't asking her much of anything) but the one thing she's sure of with Maya is that she won't be sensitive.

Riley starts to sit up, which her dad pretty much takes over for her when he tries to help, and opens her mouth to mumble enough words that would convince them that she's not up for company, but before she can get a syllable out a door slams.

Maya comes storming down the hallway, one arm wrapped around herself, the other hand wiping at her face. "I'm sorry about the noise, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. Now's obviously a bad time. Call me when Riley's up for-," she stops when her eyes land on the couch, and as a consequence, Riley. Her hand flies to her mouth. "Oh my God."

Behind her, her dad starts to shift and get up off the couch. "I'm gonna go talk to Josh." He bolts out of the room.

Maya continues to stare. "Oh my God."

"Riley, here's your ice." Her mom brings in an ice pack wrapped in a dish towel, and gently lays it across her injured wrist. "Don't leave it on for more than twenty minutes. Now, if you don't need anything else, I'm just going to...let you two have your privacy."

She flees almost as quickly as her dad did.

"Oh my God."

"Do I look that bad?" The question comes out before Riley can even think about it. It's not what she wants to say (not that she knows what she wants to say) but at least it starts the conversation. And it gets Maya to snap out of her staring trance. Riley figures she must look hideous if it's enough to stop Maya in her tracks.

"No!" Maya moves forward a few steps holding out her hands. "I mean, we probably can't let Lucas see you until you're all healed up or he will _totally_ lose it, but...it's more shocking than anything. Riles, you have a fat lip...and your wrist...Farkle said you were hurt but we thought...Charlie really hit you." She falls down onto the couch next to her.

Riley shakes her head. "It wasn't like that. We were just fighting and...he got a little rough."

"Has he done it before?"

"Maya-"

"No." Maya cuts her off. "Josh says Charlie's been treating you like crap and that I missed it, so I need to know. Right now, ring power, no lies, has he done it before?"

Maya hasn't called her out in ages. Ever since a bit before Texas she's taken her word for everything, even when Riley thought her lies were obvious. Riley had been worried about when she would ask for the truth, but instead of panicking, she finds her heart slowing a little. This is Maya looking out for her; _this_ is the most normal thing that's happened between them in a long time. A little normal feels nice right about now.

"Charlie wasn't...I don't really know what he was and wasn't anymore." Riley admits, and a small portion of the weight she's carrying lifts up off of her chest. Her parents and Josh want her to say that Charlie was terrible—she can tell from the way they've been acting—and she doesn't want to say that when she's not sure, so she just hasn't been saying anything. But Maya used ring power, so, there's no more hiding, and she's surprised that admitting her confusion causes such relief. "But today was the first time something like _this_ happened."

"So why were you breaking up with him?"

Riley tells her about the relationship from the beginning. From dating Charlie to distract herself to actually kind of liking him to all of things he did to help her and all of the changes she made for him to the things she's not so sure about now. And she talks about how things were never getting any easier. How it was getting harder to just be OK every day.

Maya listens without interrupting. She doesn't even comment when Riley admits she can't stand to watch her and Lucas together because she never really stopped feeling _something_ for Lucas (and given that she's _actually_ Lucas' girlfriend and that Riley pushed them together to begin with, Riley thinks that would really be her right). She just listens all the way through the story, to where Riley and Josh had their talk, and then talked with her parents, and she decided that the best thing to do would be be by herself for a little way.

Even after the story is done, several moments pass before Maya reacts. She hesitates and places her hand on top of Riley's non-injured one. "I'm really sorry you've been dealing with all of this on your own, Riles. You probably agree with Josh, huh? I'm a terrible friend."

Riley's answer comes out of her mouth before she can even think about it. For once today she actually feels like she knows the right answer and the only bigger relief she's felt was a few minutes ago when she realized that the Maya she was so worried about dealing with was all in her head. "If you are, so am I. I was the one who was lying and hiding things when we promised never to do that."

"I still was supposed to notice. But I was so confused and preoccupied with my stuff that I just...told myself you were happy and you'd be there when I figured it all out."

And the moment of clarity disappears. "What do you have to be confused about?"

"Lucas and I have both been really confused by what's going on." Maya says this like it should be obvious. Riley's too shocked to respond. "We both were feeling...things, and we didn't know what, but everyone else was telling us what it was, and what they were saying started to feel a little real. And then in Texas, _you_ started saying it too, and telling us that we needed to feel our feelings or whatever, so it started feeling more real and we thought that we needed to give things a shot."

"Right." Riley nods. "And you've both been really happy once you got over the smoothie dumping stage."

"We've been happy because we figured out how to hang out with out snarking each other's heads off. But every time we try to do really couple-y things it's just...weird and awkward. This morning we talked about it and decided it was because our feelings had nothing to do with liking each other like that. That's why we didn't answer when Farkle first called. We were breaking up."

"Oh. Well that doesn't make things weird at all."

Maya snorts and leans back in her seat. "I think things got weird when stopped being honest with each other."

Riley mimics the action. "Or when we started listening to what everyone else was saying."

"I think I remember that class. 'Bad things happen when you don't know who you are.'"

Riley can say with confidence now that her dad was 100% right. Because she's been feeling totally lost for weeks and everything's been a total disaster. And that definitely scares her. Because she still doesn't have a clue what's going on.

Before she at least knew that she had done the right thing letting Maya and Lucas be together. Now she knows that they _weren't_ as happy a couple as they looked, and that maybe she had pushed them into something that they didn't want to do. How was that doing the right thing or being a good friend?

And she still doesn't understand what happened with Charlie. Or what she's supposed to be feeling about any of it. Or what any of her feelings are anymore.

"Maya?"

"Yeah, Riles?"

"What if I don't know who I am anymore?"

"As long as you're honest with me," Maya says. "I'll be there with you while you figure it out."

Riley tilts her head down across Maya's shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

Notes: So this is the last chapter. Thank you so much everyone who read, reviewed and everywhere in between. This was my first foray into writing in a very long time, and getting such a positive response was really encouraging and I appreciate it so much.

I definitely plan on writing more fics for the fandom. I even have half an idea for a sequel to this, but my time is kind of taken up by preparation for the holidays and work and such right now so at least for a little while I might confine myself to one-shots. We'll see. But in any case...

Here's the final chapter :)

* * *

"So if you and Lucas were together when Farkle told you guys what happened, why didn't he come?"

Riley and Maya have been sitting together in the quiet of the living room for several minutes when Riley asks the question. She's been thinking over everything that Maya had told her, trying to reconcile the truth with what she had thought about their relationship, and trying to figure out why Maya's description of why they got confused about their feelings in the first place stuck out to her so much, when it occurs to her that it's weird that Maya had come alone. Were she and Lucas not friends now that they had broken up?

Was Riley not supposed to be friends with him now either?

"He was _really_ upset when he found out." Maya answers. She removes her arm from around Riley's shoulders as they sit up straight once more. "We thought it would be better if he calmed down a bit before he came to see you."

Well. That's not so bad then. And it makes sense. Then Maya keeps talking.

"Farkle said he was going to call Zay and they'd make sure that he doesn't go find Charlie and do something stupid, so you don't have to worry about that though."

Riley feels her eyes widen as she snaps her head to look at her friend. "I wasn't until you just said that."

"Well don't." Maya rolls her eyes. "The last thing Huckleberry wants to do is hurt you and he knows you'd be really upset if he ever decided to do something like that."

* * *

The afternoon with Maya doesn't clear things up at all, but it feels a bit nicer knowing that she has at least one friend by her side while she figures it out, and Riley is almost able to relax a bit.

Her parents and Josh squeeze onto the couch with them (after Josh apologizes to Maya for losing his temper at her) and they watch a couple of Riley's favorite musicals. The Music Man and Hello Dolly are excellent distractions. At least they would be if she could really focus, but as with before when she was trying to sleep, her mind keeps wandering. This time it's Lucas.

Riley has a lot of questions about Lucas.

Questions that she doesn't really want to think about right now.

Her feelings about Lucas feel almost as confused and jumbled in her head as her feelings about Charlie, except she's certain that Lucas would never do what Charlie had done outside of the bakery today. In Texas and just after she had been confident that she loved him, but she had been trying to freeze that out when she started dating Charlie. Her reality around Charlie feels so blurred right now; talking with Maya she's starting to realize that some of the things he told her were complete lies, but did that mean that it all was? Just because he was wrong about Maya didn't necessarily mean he would be wrong about Lucas, did it?

She's not sure if everything is going to rush back when she starts hanging out with everyone again, or if it will be worth allowing herself to feel it if it does. If she lets herself care about Lucas again and she's wrong about him will she be able to handle this sort of pain a second time? She's not even handling it well this time.

And there's the even bigger question of if she's even allowed to think about Lucas like that now that he and Maya have sort-of dated.

Riley tells herself that she can talk to Maya about that at some point but that right now she needs to be focused on herself. She's a disaster with a boy on his way out of her life; she doesn't need to make herself a bigger disaster by bringing another one right in. This mantra mostly works to push most of her Lucas concerns to the back of her mind, but one that she can't ignore is what he's doing now.

Sure, Maya had said she had no reason to worry. But one thing that she knows is that Lucas _does_ have a temper and he comes closest to losing it when someone hurts his friends. He did it with Farkle's bully, he did it when Zay got into trouble, and (if the destroyed counter in Topanga's is to be considered evidence) he did it with her bully. And none of _those_ incidents involved actual physical injuries. According to Maya, he had been angry enough that they didn't want her to see it.

Riley can't see Zay and Farkle being able to stop him if he really wants to go do something. So yes, she's worried and it's not going away. She doesn't believe in using violence to solve problems, and she's still not sure that if Charlie deserves to be the target of that kind of retribution, but she doesn't want to have to be mad at Lucas for doing anything. She's also worried because Lucas is strong, but so is Charlie. It had barely seemed like anything to him when he had been gripping her wrist, but it had felt like her arm was trapped in a vise. She doesn't want Lucas to go after him at all, but more than anything she doesn't want him to be hurt.

At one point her nerves on the subject are enough that Riley asks Maya to just call the boys and tell them to come over (Maya has already promised to update them, she's just been caught up in everything else to do so) but her mom vetoes that. She says there's been far too much excitement for the day as it is, and that while Maya is welcome to stay as long as she wants, the boys will have to wait until tomorrow. Maya does call and update them, and Farkle promises that they've gone nowhere near Charlie and agrees that they'll be over first thing tomorrow morning.

Shortly after that Auggie gets home from his extended sleepover and they have an awkward conversation where they try to explain what happened to her while glossing over the worst of the details. He hugs her, plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek and offers her the use of his Boo Boo Bunny, but no one's sure if he really understands what they told him until he turns to Josh and whispers with the expected volume of a six-year-old, "If you're gonna punish him, I want in."

Maya and Josh both think this is awesome and hilarious. Riley and her parents do not. Well, her dad pretty much does but he's quick to switch into lecture mode when Riley and her mom glare at him.

The rest of the day passes in a blur of movies and family time and only part of that is from the haze her pain pills are starting to give her and exhaustion. At least part of her mind continues to try and figure everything out no matter what's going on.

Maya spends the night. Or rather, Maya stays up with her talking until they drift off to sleep several hours after the rest of the apartment has gone quiet. When Riley jerks awake, her chest tight with the realization that Charlie might have actually hit her if things had gone differently at the bakery and that whatever good things he might have done couldn't possibly excuse that, Maya is right there with her, letting her cry for as long as she needs to. The second time Riley wakes up, the sun is just starting to peek in through the bay window.

* * *

Riley's mom is still trying to help her cover up the bruise on her face when the boys get to the apartment in the middle of the morning. She's not succeeding. For all of the icing they did for her wrist yesterday, they completely forgot to ice her lip, and it's swollen and completely bruised this morning. It doesn't help that every time she tries put any pressure on it to blend the concealer properly, it only hurts more. They give up, partially because they don't want to keep everyone waiting and partially because it's a lost cause, and her mom sends her to join Maya (who had gone out to occupy and prepare their friends) and the guys in the living room.

She walks out slowly. She tells herself it's because her body hurts (she had woken up about ten times achier than her worst cheerleading day) but she knows it's because she's scared. She doesn't know what to expect from any of them. If Zay's even going to care or be there because they were only just really becoming friends when the entire mess started and he was one of the easiest to pull away from as it all got deeper. If Farkle is going to be mad at her for keeping so many secrets because that's been a sticking point for him even when he only really knew about one. If Lucas is going to be the guy she's gotten to know over the past year and a half or if he'll be Texas!Lucas or someone completely different.

There's going to be so much work to get back to normal again and right now that's all Riley wants.

As she nears the end of the hall she can hear Maya talking to everyone. "Just, none of you freak out OK? She's not really feeling much like our Riley right now."

"What does that mean?"

"That we should have been paying better attention." Riley steps out into the room at Farkle's comment and since nobody seems to notice her, she takes a moment to look at her friends. Thankfully, Lucas looks completely healthy. He doesn't have his usual easy-going smile, and he has a water bottle in a white-knuckle death grip, but there's no real evidence that he's been in any sort of a fight. Farkle and Zay also look all right. Although, on closer inspection one of Farkle's hands looks incredibly bruised. She'll have to ask him about that.

When she says, "Hey guys," and waves at them, the conversation stops.

Maya is quick to give her a smile and return the greeting, while Farkle stares. Lucas' grip tightens so much that the water bottle crumples in his hands and the liquid splashes up, going everywhere. It's all Riley can do not to jump at the extra noise and the dark shadows in his eyes; she feels a little frozen in place with everyone staring even after Maya grabs some napkins to try and clean up the mess, but she has no idea what to say or do to break the silence.

After a few very long moments, Zay hops to his feet. He presents a small stuffed purple dog from behind his back. "I was real sorry to hear you got hurt, Sugar. Are you doin' OK, now?"

"Getting there." Riley nods. She takes the dog from his hands and looks at it a little more closely. The nose is shaped like a heart and sparkly. "You didn't have to bring me anything, Zay."

"Well unlike some of you people, my parents raised me to be polite. When you visit someone who's sick or hurt, you bring them a little something."

"Well, thank you." She hugs him briefly, and when they separate she peeks back over to everyone else. Farkle is now helping Maya clean up the mess from the water bottle; Lucas is still staring. Riley hasn't figured out what to say to him yet, but her heart is pounding under the scrutiny so she steps forward. "Thanks for helping out at the bakery yesterday, Farkle." He turns when he realizes that she's talking to him. "I was a little distracted, so maybe I'm wrong but I don't think _your_ hand was hurt when I left."

Farkle blushes under the scrutiny. "There was a minor incident when we were attempting to keep everyone calm."

"We went to the gym to blow off some steam. He hit a 125 pound punching bag without any idea how to actually throw a punch." Zay chimes in, reclaiming his seat at the table.

Maya snorts. "115 pounds of pure hurt, aren't ya, big guy?" She pats Farkle on the shoulder as she passes him on the way to the trash to get rid of the wet napkins.

"I know how to do it _now._ " He grumbles. "It's basic physics and anatomy. As long as I have a realistic target I could out-hit anyone now."

"But you don't have to, so you won't, right?" Riley narrows her eyes. She doesn't like the idea of any of her friends getting into fights for any reason, less so if it's on her behalf, and even less so if it's only to prove a point. And the last thing the group needs now is everyone getting hurt and into trouble for no good reason. She doesn't want to have to worry about that.

Farkle softens and smiles at her. "Of course not Riley. I'm planning on sticking with gym equipment if I stick with it at all."

Fair enough. She knows Lucas uses the gym to work out his frustration, and as long as he's doing it safely there's no reason that Farkle can't do the same. "OK then. If you need ice, we have about fifty-,"

"Tell me that you're pressing charges." Lucas interrupts, his voice tense. The group freezes again. When Riley turns back to look at him, his jaw is clenched and he's still got the remnants of his water bottle in his hand.

"I don't think that—,"

"Tell me that you went to the police yesterday and that they're arresting him today, because the _only_ way I'm not walking out the door right now and finding Charlie so I can introduce his face to my fist is if he's going to be standing in front of a judge tomorrow morning."

It's a strange rush of feelings that floods Riley's body as Lucas speaks. On the one hand, it's nice to know that he still cares enough to _want_ to do something, even if she would never want him to. Sure, Maya had said he was upset and she had spent a good portion of the afternoon yesterday worrying about it, but Riley gets a whole new flutter of rabid butterflies in her stomach when it's actually Lucas being the concerned friend right in front of her.

On the other hand, there's a curtain of shame that cascades down over her. Because she hasn't gone to the police, and it feels like everyone is judging her for it except for her mom. It doesn't seem fair. She's the one that Charlie hurt, so it should be her decision what happens next. It's not like he's going unpunished, so why can't breaking up with him and having his parents deal with the problem be enough? Is she being stupid and naive again?

And Riley doesn't like that Lucas is making her feel like this. _He's_ never made her feel small before.

"I can't tell you that." She looks down at the floor. "So if you're going to go, go now."

Lucas doesn't move.

A long beat passes before Farkle claps his hands together. "Hey! So Zay hasn't met Josh yet. Maya and I should probably go introduce him."

That's Farkle. Subtle as a brick. Zay's good at taking a hint and he joins Farkle quickly, but Maya takes a moment to find Riley's eyes. After a few meaningful glances and wriggled eyebrows, Riley knows that all she has to do is say the word and Maya will linger awkwardly to make sure that she's OK. Riley shakes her head to dismiss her.

She doesn't really want to have this conversation with Lucas. Not when she's barely keeping her head above water and it feels like she might throw up at any minute, but she's pretty sure that she doesn't have a choice. Not if she wants to repair their friendship.

"Are you really just letting him get away with hurting you?" Lucas repeats when they're alone. To Riley it sounds like his anger is now pointed at her and it's the last straw. He can be mad at Charlie all he wants, and he can be mad at her for a lot of reasons but this isn't one of them.

"He's not _getting away_ with anything." She bites out. "We broke up, and his parents are making him get counseling, and they're telling the school what happened and he's not even allowed to talk to me anymore. That's not _getting away_ with anything."

"It's not a fair punishment for what he did either."

"Why do you get to decide that?" Riley asks. "He didn't do anything to you, he did it to me."

"Exactly! He hurt _you_. He deserves more than a slap on the wrist."

Riley turns away. Lucas is too serious and sincere and it feels like his eyes are tunneling straight into her heart. If she lets him keep looking she might shatter. "Maybe I don't think he does."

"What? Riley, how can you say that?" He finally moves, walking back into her line of vision. "Charlie _assaulted_ you. Whether he hit you or tossed you to the ground or whatever, he assaulted you. You don't think that's a problem?"

Tears spring to her eyes. She crosses her arms over her chest and blinks furiously to keep them from falling. "I don't know..."

"What if it wasn't you? What if he had done it to Sarah or Hayley or Maya?" Lucas hounds. "If he had done it to them would you still be saying he didn't deserve a real punishment?"

"Of course not but that's different. They're-,"

"No it's not." Lucas cuts her off. "Riley, it's not different." He places a gentle hand on her elbow and guides her back to the table, where they sit next to each other. "You get so caught up in building everyone else up that you forget you're important too, but you are. God, Riley, you are _so_ important. And I can't understand why you would let anyone treat you like you're not."

Riley can't speak. She doesn't know what to say and even if she did it feels like her entire chest is frozen. In a way, Lucas is right. She would never let anyone else in her class get treated the way Charlie had treated her (and as more time passes she is starting to realize more and more that his questionable actions are outweighing the positive ones) but she can't make any of that come together with the idea that Charlie had been the one taking care of her over the past month and that she's not sure he was totally wrong about everything and that she does have some sort of feelings for him even if she's not sure what they are.

Several moments pass before Lucas seems to realize that she's not going to respond. He sighs. "I guess I just don't understand why you didn't come to one of us if something was wrong. Why you didn't come to me. If I'm really supposed to be your brother now, then,-"

"You're not. My brother that is." Riley finds her words, and nearly cringes that _that_ is what comes out but once she starts she can't stop. It's beginning to feel like world's most relieving (but terrifying) compulsion. "I was scared when I said that, and trying to be a good friend. Which I know now that I failed at. With you _and_ Maya. And now I'm so turned around confused that I'm not all that sure who I am anymore let alone what we are. But I know you're not my brother. And I know I shouldn't have lied about it."

"You probably shouldn't have." Lucas agrees. "But it's done and I can forgive you for that. And I think maybe we can all use some time to get our heads on straight again after the last few weeks."

At least everyone seems to be on the same page about that. It relieves a good amount of the pressure across her shoulders. "That sounds about right."

"But I know that no matter what, at the very least we're friends." He grabs her hand and their fingers intertwine. "That's not going to change. And as your friend, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to me if you have a problem."

"Even if I don't want to handle it the same way you do?"

He nods. "Even if."

"Then I guess we're-,"

"Sorry to interrupt," Josh announces as he walks into the room. Riley turns to look at him and in no way does her uncle look sorry. "But your friends are kind of being a bunch of wimps about how quiet it is out here and they sent me to make sure everything was OK. So...everyone OK?"

"We're all fine." Riley nods, and Lucas squeezes her hand. "We're all gonna be just fine."


End file.
